Choose Him

Is it pure admiration? Am I merely craving for liberation?
You adore Banks, but all I wanna do is bang
No that’s a lie, with you rules don’t apply
But you choose him, while I hide behind a pseudonym

Keep playing your game, keep me guessing what we became
I want romance, but all you wanna do is dance
No don’t call me delusional, everything you do feels intentional
But you choose him, you leave me out on a limb

Isn’t it obvious? Are you oblivious?
With the pace of our flirting, I’m destined to be hurting
No don’t keep your distance, lower my resistance
But you choose him, you turn my midnights grim


So I wish you farewell, wishing there’s water left in our well
I compile our songs, to keep our memories prolonged
Oh take me back to the beach, when my dream was within reach
But you choose him, I’m all alone singing our hymn


I die a thousand times, every time you swear by your dime 
You make my blood boil, every time your ship is in turmoil
Oh can’t you see? Am I not your definition of beauty?
But you choose him, and I’m not him


XXXI. The Guy Who Becomes A Good Friend

“I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home, ooh
I keep dancing on my own”

– Robyn –

Have you ever wanted someone or something really bad, so bad that you are blinded by the hyperfictional scenarios you create in your own head? I have this deadly combination of a mind that travels to random places around The Milky Way from a regular interaction between two human beings, a heart that beats at a superluminal velocity from the slightest human touch, and a brain that turns into a hopeless romantic from a meaningless heart emoji. I am often blinded by the fantasy of dating “my person” that I fail to read the obvious signs of disinterest from my knight in mediocre armor. And let me tell you, my friends… this feeling sucks major balls, and there’s nothing I can do to avoid being in this sticky situation unless I decide to completely avoid human contacts and turn myself into a cat lady. I guess I like my men like I like my coffee: incapable of loving me back.

Continue reading “XXXI. The Guy Who Becomes A Good Friend”

XXIX. The Guy Who Made Me Garlic Pasta

“Put your heart and soul in your butt”

– Ash Ketchum –

Every TV show lasting for over two seasons usually has some filler episodes every once in a while, and a good example of this is the Pokémon anime series. There’s always a couple of episodes between each time Ash Ketchum challenges a gym leader where the most random shit happens to him and his squad. They never have any significance for an upcoming battle with a major character in the show nor have been a plot development everyone is dying to know. The best example I can think of is the bikini contest episode where James wears a pair of fake boobs. What the fuck is that?! And why did the writers think it’s a good idea to include that in a show for adolescents? I mean, you can’t expect Ash to win a gym badge or catch a Pokémon in every episode, but c’mon… really? A fucking bikini contest? Anyway, just like the aforementioned episode, this long-ass intro and chapter are gonna be exactly like one of those filler episodes: entertaining but irrelevant to the main storyline.

Continue reading “XXIX. The Guy Who Made Me Garlic Pasta”

XXVIII. The Guy Who Turned Me Into A Top

“Call me a bad server, because I always spill the tea” 

Sheree Whitfield –

Sex, in general, is such a weird concept to me. I mean… think about it. What aspect of sex do you actually enjoy as you are indulging in this animalistic occurrence? What does sex mean to you? Is it something that you use to deepen your relationship with a loved one? Is it more about pure pleasure? And why should we be ashamed about sex if it is something that makes us happy? But most importantly, can we all agree that objectively speaking, there’s something silly about spending hours laying on all four waiting to be pounded to oblivion? Don’t we all have more important things to do? I feel like if we as human beings collectively stop having sex, we could spend more time doing more things to fix more pressing humanitarian issues. Instead, here you are, eagerly reading stories about gay sex from a random Asian twink because sex is still a less-talked subject and you would rather interact with it from the comfort of your own smart devices.

Continue reading “XXVIII. The Guy Who Turned Me Into A Top”

XXVII. The Guy Whom I Blew In JFK Bathroom Stall (NYC Series: Part 2)

“It’s just another graceless night”

– Lorde –

How do you cope with the lingering negative feelings that are slowly eating you from the inside after someone fucked you up real good? Sometimes I read about devastating life events happening to random people but they somehow manage to find the strength to survive. For some people, they turn to mind-altering substances like alcohol or weed to help them get through those cold and lonely nights, which are fair, but these substances are merely temporary solutions. Have you had one of those nights where you are ready for your beauty sleep but your brain decides to ambush you by constantly replaying those humiliating high school experiences in your head a million times? On top of it, you can’t prepare for those situations as it always hit you at the most random times. How do you get through that? How do you sleep at night?

How do you cope with the lingering negative feelings that are slowly eating you from the inside after someone fucked you up real good? Sometimes I read about devastating life events happening to random people but they somehow manage to find the strength to survive. For some people, they turn to mind-altering substances like alcohol or weed to help them get through those cold and lonely nights, which are fair, but these substances are merely temporary solutions. Have you had one of those nights where you are ready for your beauty sleep but your brain decides to ambush you by constantly replaying those humiliating high school experiences in your head a million times? On top of it, you can’t prepare for those situations as it always hit you at the most random times. How do you get through that? How do you sleep at night?

Continue reading “XXVII. The Guy Whom I Blew In JFK Bathroom Stall (NYC Series: Part 2)”

XXVI. The Guy Who Made Me Travel Across The State (NYC Series: Part 1)

“Only fools do what I do, only fools fall”

– Troye Sivan –

What’s with people these days being so obsessed with playing the “love game”? People keep saying that you shouldn’t reply to your date three minutes after he responds to your most recent text because you don’t wanna seem overly desperate and you spend your entire day staring at your phone waiting for a response. The same thing goes with sex. Most people say that you should wait until, at least, the third date to show your private area to your date. Why is everyone so afraid with commitment nowadays? When does showing affection for someone becomes a sign of desperation, and why is that a bad thing? It just seems incredibly difficult now to be satisfied as we are constantly looking for better options without knowing exactly what we want. It’s just never enough.

Continue reading “XXVI. The Guy Who Made Me Travel Across The State (NYC Series: Part 1)”