Early Morning Feelings

Go ahead and ignore me, that’s my fetish
Call me a Leo ‘cause I’m so selfish

Tired of being nonchalant, sick of taking it slow
Hate downing Gordon’s three nights in a row

Face like a temple, heart like a warzone
Why don’t you wanna bone no more?

Sitting in the whirlpool, watching you on the grid
I miss catching a glimpse of us in Madrid

Used to feel the heat, now I crave for a blanket
You can’t wait to put us in the casket

Should I say goodbye, or keep feeling small
Didn’t I tell you I’m a masochist after all?

XLI. The Guy Whom I Met In A Bathhouse (Part I)

“I can’t take another night on my own, need another body here to keep warm”

– L Devine –

I consider myself to be extremely fortunate to live in times when LGBTQ+ community is becoming more accepted in our society. But don’t get me wrong… I’m completely aware that we still have a long way to go in terms of universalizing equal rights for the members of the aforementioned community. When I originally started this blog, I only intended to use it as a platform to document my journey of self-discovery. However, as more people have visited the blog (lol I love to pretend that I have gazillion readers), a few people came up to me saying how they were entertained by my misadventures and found my stories relatable. More importantly, they were also excited for more representation in queer literature and some had encouraged me to turn this crazy project of mine into something bigger. I guess I just want to thank you all for being the most supportive readers and I’m forever grateful for the love, even though I’m completely aware of the lack of my writing consistency. Oh, and thank you for giving me more incentive to continue doing the nasty!

XL. The Guys Whom I Had My First Threesome With

“Three is a charm, two is not the same, I don’t see the harm, so are you game?”

– Britney Spears –

When I was little, I felt that society shoved monogamy down my throat hardcore. Monogamous relationship was believed to be the norm and the only kind of relationship that would succeed in the long run; we were made to believe that fairytale romance exists and the vows we make at the altar are immortal. In reality, monogamy is proven to be quite a challenge as many people commit adulteries here and there, especially in the age of dating apps where we could find someone to entertain our genitals at any given moment. Personally, I had been disgusted by the idea of having an open relationship for the longest time since I was (and still am) an extremely insecure bitch. I still don’t know if I would allow myself to be in an open relationship right now, but hey, I have to keep an open mind, right? Lol but who am I kidding? I can’t even trap one boy to date!

XXXIX. The Guy Who Got Cockblocked By Mosquitoes

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room”

– Anita Roddick –

Have you ever been unsure about which course of action to take and you are just submissively waiting for a sign from the universe? Or do you believe in none of that bullshit, trust your guts, and dive into a situation head-first? As a self-proclaimed over-thinker, I’m one of those trashy human beings who is an expert at coming up with the most random excuses whenever I’m faced with inconvenient situations because my train of thoughts always take me to the darkest places. For instance, whenever I am intrigued by a shirt in a clothing store, I can’t help but wonder the amount of bacteria on the shirt, and the mere thought of it makes me feel nauseous. Yet at the same time, I’ve never thought twice before putting a stranger’s dick in my mouth. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m a fucking weirdo.

XXXVIII. The Guys Whom I Had Forgotten About

“Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own”

– Michelle Obama –

The way our brains operate often fascinates me. Most nights, they turn into a cinema that plays dreadful scenes from a horror movie titled My Regrettable Decisions. When I wake up the next morning, however, I barely remember tearing up in the middle of an intense masturbation session the night prior. I can wake up feeling refreshed AF and be ready to carpe diem the shit out of my day only to have a mini-breakdown after I accidentally listen to some melancholic songs I have emotional attachments to. Don’t we all wish our brain worked like Netflix where we can pick and choose which memories to replay during our mental breakdown? I used to be bewildered by people who have a strong dependency on alcohol to get through their days. However, as I undergo the adulting process, it all starts to make more sense to me, especially with some hardcore stuff that people had to go through. Raw doggin’ reality is fucking hard, you know?.

XXXVII. The Guy Who Was A YouTuber

“Sex will give you STDs, friendships are fucking fake, relationships will cheat on you, family will disown you… pizza is forever”-

– Trisha Paytas –

Judging from the quote above that I picked from the lovely Miss Trisha Paytas, an iconic YouTube content creator and my personal spirit animal, I know you might be thinking, “wow, this chapter is gonna be dramatic as fuck!” Well… the only way for you to find out is for you to hit that “Continue Reading” button below! But before you do that, don’t forget to click the subscribe button and like this chapter! You can also follow me on Instagram, @squirttale, for your daily dose of outrageously funny memes! (Damn… look at me killing the shameless plug game!)

XXXVI. The Guy Who Was A Ridiculously Attractive Douchebag

“Your outside is gorgeous, Raven, but your insides are dark and nasty. And I don’t like you”

– Tatianna –

Sometimes, life feels unfair when we stumble upon a person who seems to have it all. I’m sure you’ve all had one of those discussions with someone about which famous person you would wanna swap bodies with for a day or things you would do/buy if you won the lottery. My point is that sometimes, we’re completely misled by the exterior of someone that we disregard the true character behind all their facades. On Instagram, for instance, it’s incredibly easy to hide your nasty attitude or past traumas behind inspiring flowery quotes you copy-paste from Pinterest. We often forget that Instagram can be a heavily curated representation of someone’s life. I’m aware of how cliché this might sound, but we really need to stop judging a book by its cover.