XVII. The Guy Who Dissed My Drag Race References

“Bet you rue the day you kissed the writer in the dark”

– Lorde –

Again, I know I said I was gonna write my stories in chronological order, but this happened to me recently and I feel the need to talk about it because I hope this story can spark an interesting dialogue. I have been trying my best to keep my blog as lighthearted and entertaining as I can because well, most of the guys I had featured in this blog didn’t really cross me. For most of them, I genuinely wish they are happy with their lives because they shared some intimate moments with me when I was fragile, trying to figure out who I am. In other words, these guys thought me something in life and temporarily filled the void in me (pun intended). However, this next guy is a definite exception to my warm wishes. And I know he read (or still does) my blog, so congratulations bitch, you made it. Welcome to your chapter and buckle up, because ready or not, you’re in for a ride on this petty rant train.

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XVI. The Guy Who Talked To Me In A Straight Bar

“I feel like you’re being sabotaged by your inner saboteur”

– RuPaul –

I know I said that I write my stories in chronological order, but this happened to me pretty recently and I feel the need to talk about it because I am still trying to comprehend what fucking happened. Plus, this is my blog so I am the one who makes the executive decision here. I know I talked big games about how I had fucked a bunch of guys before, but in real life, I’m still a quirky guy (well, unless you know me very well, then you will beg me to shut the fuck up) and I often overthink things that don’t matter. Also, a lot of you asked me if I’m gonna write about some of my experiences in Indonesia. Well, you’re in luck. What can I say, I’m a crowd pleaser.

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XV. The Guy Who Made Me Feel His Biceps

“Touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more”

– Mariah Carey –

Yes, I am acknowledging the fact that almost all of my previous entries revolve around white guys. It’s not that I’m exclusively into white boys, but the ones who attracted me so far (yes, I’m writing my stories in chronological order so I can track exactly where my life went wrong) just happened to be Caucasian. If anything, my ideal type (emphasis on the word ideal) is a hipster-ish looking tall guy with an athletic body. Unfortunately, being a relatively tall Asian guy myself, it’s hard to find other Asian guys who are at least around my height, although I’m not very anal (pun intended) about this as I would pretty much make out with everyone after four shots of tequila. I would like to think of myself as a potato princess, meaning I’m usually attracted to white guys, but I’m also open to other races, whether it’s ricespice, or whatever. I guess you can call me a salad queen because I do love most starchy vegetables with some spices, and I do love getting my salad tossed.

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XIV. The Guy Who Was A Porn Star

“Can you believe?!”

– Jonathan Van Ness –

Have you visited a sausage factory (no, this is not a euphemism) and wondered if those factory workers still crave for sausages? The sausages that we, average people, regularly encounter in a restaurant are always beautifully packaged by the factory to distract the consumers from the horrendous procedures they take in slaughtering the animals. I am guessing the same phenomenon applies to the porn industry. They successfully create the illusion that sex is an easy and clean process, but we are all aware that is not the case (at least 95% of the time). Seriously though, I only have one thing to say to whoever thinks real-life sex is just like porn, that you can just shove your humongous penis up someone’s ass without proper lubrication: go fuck yourself.

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XIII. The Guy Who Was Into Roleplay

“You’ll think you just graduated magnum cum loudly”

– Cecily Strong –

I have always been weirded out by the idea of roleplaying in bed. First of all, how do you bring up the topic to your sexual partner(s) without sounding like a creepy sex addict? “Hey, do you wanna pretend to be my step-dad and fuck me? Don’t worry, I obviously have zero daddy issue!(I got goosebumps just from typing this). I can’t even begin to understand how porn stars can say those cringy dialogues without contemplating their life decisions that led them to star in a Pokémon Go inspired gay porno (appropriately titled Fuckémon Go). However, I have to admit that a few of those sexual fantasies intrigue me (I won’t mention them because some of you shady bitches are super judgmental) and I won’t mind trying them out at least once. But I will tell you this. I’m definitely not into any incest-related roleplay; it creeps the fuck out of me.

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XII. The Guy Who Made Me Question My Personality

“Living in California, everyone learns to adapt their actor or actress within”

– Courtney Carola –

There seems to be a general consensus in the gay community that the most (widely acknowledged) attractive age range for gay men is between 22 to 28 years old. At the age of 22, you finally start having your shit together after you have been legally able to enter gay bars for a year and have banged approximately 35% of the gay population in your town. At the age of 28, you start questioning your existence in the local gay bar past midnight while desperately hunting for some man-meat. Coincidentally, it’s the same age range where civilized human beings are the most ambitious yet vulnerable, in a constant state of figuring out your place in society. That’s the age range where you (hopefully) are carving your career path while having biweekly mental breakdowns. Ok, I honestly don’t know where I am going with this.

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XI. The Guy Who Had Two Kids

“Guys my age don’t know how to touch me, don’t know how to love me good”

Hey Violet –

I’m not gonna lie; I hate growing old. I fear that I won’t be able to control my own limbs because my body will go awry. I’m scared of letting go of my youth and won’t have the chance to do the things I can do now. I am mortified by the thought of living alone in a retirement home and becoming a useless piece of meat. I think it’s part of the reason why I am an adventurous guy; I know I can’t turn back time and I don’t want to live in a world of “what-ifs”. When it comes to my appearance, I believe this is as good as it gets and it’s only gonna go downhill from here, so why shouldn’t I take full advantage of this youthful beauty when I have the chance?

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