SquirtTale

“I know better than to ever call you mine”

– FINNEAS –

The different ways to define a relationship these days are confusing as fuck. I’ve seen two people who act like an old married couple but don’t mind saying they’re just “seeing each other.” Sure, how people want to define their relationship is none of my fucking business. However, things can get complicated when the parties involved have different expectations for the love affair. It’s unfair for one person to be invested in the relationship while the other is still busy exploring their options. One can say that this problem can be avoided if you can communicate clearly with your partner. But God forbid we ever show our emotion as people these days get turned off the moment the “what are we?” talk comes along. Dating as a millennial is so fucked up.

As a side note, can somebody tell me the differences between “going steady,” “seeing each other,” “dating,” and “in a relationship”? And why do we feel the need to have these confusingly distinctive labels?

Continue reading ➞ LVII. The Guy Who’s Not Ready For A Relationship (First Gay Crush Series: Part II)

“Do you want to try? Get to know each other. You don’t have to like me very much, just open your heart to me”.

– Sarawat, 2gether: The Series –

Have you ever come across a person so intriguing that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get to know them better? Whether it’s because of some superficial reasons or their witty Instagram captions, you have this burning desire to explore the things that could happen with this person. You are aware that, in reality, this person might not live up to your expectations. Still, you couldn’t care less about the possibility of being let down as you’re more interested in knowing the inspiration behind their puppy pics on Instagram. This person is the projection of your ideal partner. I personally don’t believe in the idea of love at first sight, as I believe that love is a culmination of tedious processes. So I guess you can call this experience, what, an initial attraction? Whatever this thing is called, it’s the feeling I felt with my first gay crush.

P.S. This is the long-awaited continuation of Chapter III. Feel free to go back to that chapter for a quick recap!

Continue reading ➞ LVI. The Guy Who Moved To Los Angeles (First Gay Crush Series: Part I)

“Hey Dad, look at me, think back and talk to me, did I grow up according to plan?”

– Simple Plan –

How comfortable are you talking about sex with your loved ones? Do you spill the T about your personal conquests with the same people who changed your diapers years ago? I personally find it excruciatingly awkward to talk about my sex life with my parents. Even if I weren’t into taking a penis up my butt, I would not be comfortable with my parents thinking about a vagina belonging to a girl my age. I am perfectly fine with my parents assuming that I am still a twenty-something-year-old virgin, which we all know is not the case. For whatever reason, I rarely talk about my personal life with my parents. So to those who know me in real life, please don’t tell my parents about this blog. I don’t want to die of embarrassment just yet.

Continue reading ➞ LV. The Guy Whom I Hooked Up With In A Marriott Lobby Bathroom

“The thing I love about Vegas is there’s something for any type of mood you’re in and something for any kind of adventure you seek out”

– Christina Tosi –

Oh, Las Vegas. Words can’t begin to describe my conflicting feelings for this concrete oasis. On one hand, some of my most cherished memories with my closest friends happened during our sinful adventures on The Strip. From the blinding lights to the various forms of escapism, Vegas has it all. However, it’s relatively easy to lose any sense of self-control in Vegas once you overindulge in said entertainments. Most people describe going to Vegas as taking a dangerously addictive drug. The moment you taste your first win on the poker table or step into one of those grandiose nightclubs, you’ll feel the sudden rush of dopamine. But just like every drug-related euphoria, you’ll spend the next hours doing whatever it takes to chase the same high. And sometimes, things do not end well. 

But don’t worry, I’m saving those messy Vegas stories for later chapters. Instead, here’s a story about how I lied to my family to hook up with a stranger!

Continue reading ➞ LIV. The Guy Who Sneaked Out To The Treasure Island Hotel

“I think my personality is my best asset, but the eyes go to the boobs. But, like, my face isn’t too bad, I don’t think so.”

– Francesca Farago –

The eyes are the window to the soul. For homosexuals all over the world (myself included), the saying above resonates deeply with us. Our eyes are our primary arsenal to communicate our interest in the masc daddies standing across the bar. We spent years training ourselves to master the art of rapid room-scanning to identify our fellow homosexuals. Yes, this can also hold true for you heterosexual beings out there. However, for us homosexuals, there’s an extra layer of precaution we need to take, especially for us living in an extremely conservative place. For us, one flirtatious glance at the wrong person can lead to a face full of bruises or, worse, a few years in prison. So, the next time you notice a quirky-looking guy staring at you non-stop from across the room, please don’t be offended. He might just be a blogger who wants to write about doing the nasty with you. 

Continue reading ➞ LII. The Guys Who Eye Fucked Me In A Korean Spa

“The lover lives the relationship with passion, devotion and romanticism. The loved one just likes to be adored”

– La Casa de Papel –

I was casually lounging in bed with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon in my right hand. On my computer screen, a handful of thieves in a red jumpsuit wearing a Dalì mask are in the middle of an intense argument on the law of love. It wasn’t until Palermo, the egomaniac asshole who’s in charge of the robbery, enlightens everyone on his status as the “loved one” that made me thought of my past relationships. At first, I felt terrible for Helsinki, the war veteran with a tender heart who has a one-sided crush for Palermo. I thought, “oh great, another gay man who has unrequited feelings for a dickhead with commitment issues!” However, just like me in every relationship ever, Helsinki makes the choice of compromising his own needs for another physical validation by agreeing to a one-night stand with Palermo. And my question to that is, why?

Continue reading ➞ LI. The Guy Who Foolishly Chases Romance

“Do you remember me as devout? How I prayed for your calls”

– Tegan and Sara –

Unrequited feelings are annoying as fuck. I understand that chemistry cannot be brute-forced, and there are many reasons for the absence of mutual attraction. Personally, the hardest pill to swallow in a relationship for me is knowing that the other person still has some baggage from their previous relationship. They might have some unresolved feelings or a deep emotional trauma caused by their abusive ex, or whatever it is that makes them hold back. The bottom line is that it’s unfair for you to be the only person fighting for the survival of your relationship. However, I also understand that sometimes, we can’t resist the urge to mate because we simply hate feeling alone. Some of us would rather withstand the abuse than being tormented by our unwanted thoughts when we’re alone. It’s a lose-lose situation. This is why I recommend y’all to simply marry your dildo. Although it might not fill the void in your heart, at least it will fill the void in your other hole.

Continue reading ➞ L. The Guy Who Took Me To See Tegan And Sara (The ParTy Series: Part II)

“Who needs to go to sleep, when I got you next to me?”

– Dua Lipa –

When I first listened to Taylor Swift’s mega-hit, “I Knew You Were Trouble,” I didn’t fully grasp its concept. I was a relatively naive boy with little to no dating experiences, and most of my encounters happened online. It’s challenging to spot a genuinely nice guy in a sea of heavily filtered pictures on the grid. Moreover, there’s only so much information you can get from a headless torso and generic bio. Your profile on social media is your opportunity to present the best version of yourself, and it’s relatively easy to hide your scandalous past. It’s especially hard to tell if a person has your best interest in mind when most people are more concerned about their own needs. And when you decide that the baggage they carry is too much for you, sometimes it’s too little too late. 

Continue reading ➞ XLIX. The Guy Who Came Over At 4AM (The ParTy series: Part I)