A Broken Flashlight

The lies, the screams, the smokes in the air
The bathroom floor was once our sacred ground
Tainted by a naked man in a white towel
Empty promises armored you in the battleground
In a field of dying bluebonnets
All I could hear was a deafening sound
Of amassed anger and drying tears
I guess the wounded isn’t numb to a new wound

For you, I ruined myself
Soaked up all your madness under a filthy sheet
A pill a night, but your remains stay
We’re a tragedy that began on a leathered front seat
Jaded souls dreaming of a life in Carmel-by-the-sea
A silly dream shattered by drugs and deceits

I wished you never stayed sober
So your words would’ve hurt less
Why couldn’t I stay sober?
God knows I had things to confess


I’m fucking exhausted

Loved ones playing psychological warfare

Shaping me into a full-time sinner
Spewing out meticulously crafted lies
To please my pathological need
To be liked, to be admired, to be idolized
Shame on them for praising an imposter

Sore arms from lifting my guards up
Dark circles and restless nights
Slumber becomes a mortal enemy
Waking up is an uphill battle
A smile feels like a deadlift
Walls so high, tears can’t tear them down

Should I go rogue
And run away with Jose and Jameson?
So I take my purple gummi bear
Create a colorful universe in the cloud
An eternal war shrinks
Into twenty-minutes of anxious rolling

I just hope you know
This is me trying

And this is what I do
To fit in

Good Morning, Babe

Good morning, babe
I’m sorry I had to leave at five
I needed to escape
Before my obsession goes into overdrive

How’s your day going?
Mine feels arctic cold
Doubts in my mind keep running
When your heart glows like solid gold

What’s the plan for today?
I’m busy suppressing feelings I can’t handle
But I crave more than foreplay
And you can’t stay in our humble castle

So good night, babe
I’m sorry I went out of control
My mind needs to reshape
Before my demon wrecks our souls

Early Morning Feelings

Go ahead and ignore me, that’s my fetish
Call me a Leo ‘cause I’m so selfish

Tired of being nonchalant, sick of taking it slow
Hate downing Gordon’s three nights in a row

Face like a temple, heart like a warzone
Why don’t you wanna bone no more?

Sitting in the whirlpool, watching you on the grid
I miss catching a glimpse of us in Madrid

Used to feel the heat, now I crave for a blanket
You can’t wait to put us in the casket

Should I say goodbye, or keep feeling small
Didn’t I tell you I’m a masochist after all?

Pour It Up

I heard his roar of laughter from across the room
The kind of laughter a son longs for
And it broke me
The first man I’ve ever loved

Wouldn’t smile at me that way
So I took a sip

Hoping it would silence his laughter
Excuse me, sir, can I order a bottle of beer?

I saw her exuberant joy from across the room
The kind of joy a son longs for
And it broke me
The first woman I’ve ever loved

Would never validate my joy
So I took a sip

Hoping it would bring delight in my silence
Urgh, I need more ice

I felt her overwhelming pride from across the table
The kind of pride a brother longs for
And it broke me
The second woman I’ve ever loved

Betrayed my once innocent faith
So I took a sip

Hoping it would numb the pain of her betrayal
Wait, how did I finish that bottle so fast?

I sensed her undue excitement from across the table
The kind of excitement a brother longs for
And it broke me
The third woman I’ve ever loved

Wouldn’t share my excitement
So I took a sip

Hoping it would take me to my safe haven
Ok, I guess it’s time to order another bottle!

And I took another sip to conceal my anger
And I took another sip to hide my jealousy
And I took another sip to feel nothing
And I took another sip to feel something

And I took another sip…
What was I going to say?

Chose Him

Is it pure admiration? Am I merely craving for liberation?
You adore Banks, but all I wanna do is bang
No that’s a lie, with you rules don’t apply
But you chose him, while I hide behind a pseudonym

Keep playing your game, keep me guessing what we became
I want romance, but all you wanna do is dance
No don’t call me delusional, everything you do feels intentional
But you chose him, you leave me out on a limb

Isn’t it obvious? Are you oblivious?
With the pace of our flirting, I’m destined to be hurting
No don’t keep your distance, lower my resistance
But you chose him, you turn my midnights grim

So I wish you farewell, wishing there’s water left in our well
I compile our songs, to keep our memories prolonged
Oh take me back to the beach, when my dream was within reach
But you chose him, I’m all alone singing our hymn

I die a thousand times, every time you swear by your dime 
You make my blood boil, every time your ship is in turmoil
Oh can’t you see? Am I not your definition of beauty?
But you chose him, and I’m not him