“Life experience is what defines our character, even if it means getting your heart broken or being lied to. You know, you need the downs to appreciate the ups”
– Nev Schulman –
To those of you who keep saying “don’t judge a book by its cover“, stop lying to yourself. In one way or another, we judge others by their appearances. For some reasons, gay men are especially shallow when it comes to who they let suck their dicks. Unfortunately, Grindr only makes it easier for gays to objectify others as if they are a piece of meat auctioned in a meat market.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no exception to the superficiality that is the gay community. I obviously have my own sexual preferences, but I try (emphasis on the word try) to keep an open mind (and legs) to new things, or in this case, guys. Unfortunately, I’m only human and I have plenty of room to grow. I do have a strong opinion, however, on people who discriminate against a certain group of people on their dating app profile. First of all, there are soooo many hot guys from all races. Secondly, sure, you can do whatever you want to do on Grindr, but there’s just something about being negative that makes someone less attractive to me.
One fine afternoon, I got a message on Grindr (I didn’t lie when I told you that Grindr is the bane of my existence) from this handsome Asian guy in his early 20’s. I thought, “damn, he’s cute“. He’s got a face that could easily pass as a fashion or fitness model. He messaged me asking if I wanted to meet and I obviously said yes. I mean, who was I to say no to an attractive modelesque guy? And I had never done anything sexual with an Asian guy at the time, so I wanted to get a taste of my fellow yellow.
He said he’s gonna pick me up and we could go to the private sauna by my apartment so he could get a taste of my bao. Now, have you seen one of those horror movies where the main character goes to the basement of a haunted house knowing that something extremely shady is gonna go down there? This was one of those moments. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking straight as my brain was completely taken over by my longanisa. I thought, “I had been in a stranger’s car before and it went relatively alright, so this shouldn’t be any different, right?” Right??
Fast forward to 45 minutes after I received his first message, he messaged me saying that he’s in my apartment complex. I got out of my apartment confidently believing that I was gonna blow a hot Asian model. He told me to get in his car and when I opened his car door, I was mortified. He was a completely different person. Instead of looking like a Korean boyband member, this guy could pass as the celeb’s dad who occasionally frequented the local casino.
Now, you think I was just gonna slam his car door and ran away as soon as humanly possible, right? Nope.
I didn’t know what I was thinking at the time. Part of me felt shitty if I just ran away solely based on his looks. Part of me was angry because this guy straight up lied to me. Being my stupid eighteen years old self, I got into his car.
“You are really cute”, he said.
“You don’t look like your profile picture“, I replied.
“Yeah… that wasn’t me”, he said while looking slightly embarrassed.
As we were driving to the private sauna place, he started putting his hand on my thigh and tried to get me aroused. I thought, “what the fuck… I can’t do this and I need to get the fuck out“. So I told him to to pull over to the nearest gas station I could see and I immediately got out of his car. I walked back home feeling ashamed and angry. When I got to my apartment, I opened Grindr and immediately blocked him so he couldn’t reach out to me again. I felt like an idiot, and it sucked.
I didn’t know why I didn’t yell at him the moment I realized I was catfished. I didn’t know why I got into his car in the first place. Part of me was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. “He might be nice“, I thought. Part of me felt responsible or obligated to, at the very least, entertain this guy with a small chit-chat. Part of me felt disgusted not by him, but at myself for letting it happened. I understand why he did what he did; every human always craves intimate interaction with people they are attracted to. But it’s fucked up if you need to lie about your appearance, especially if you know you’re doing it to a fragile innocent teenager who doesn’t know what they’re getting themselves into.
Just don’t be a catfish, people. It never ends well.