“Who needs to go to sleep, when I got you next to me?”
– Dua Lipa –
When I first listened to Taylor Swift’s mega-hit, “I Knew You Were Trouble,” I didn’t fully grasp its concept. I was a relatively naive boy with little to no dating experiences, and most of my encounters happened online. It’s challenging to spot a genuinely nice guy in a sea of heavily filtered pictures on the grid. Moreover, there’s only so much information you can get from a headless torso and generic bio. Your profile on social media is your opportunity to present the best version of yourself, and it’s relatively easy to hide your scandalous past. It’s especially hard to tell if a person has your best interest in mind when most people are more concerned about their own needs. And when you decide that the baggage they carry is too much for you, sometimes it’s too little too late.
Being a college student with no fixed routine and a mild case of insomnia turned my sleep schedule into a fucking mess. I could down two glasses of iced latte in the morning and accidentally took a three-hour nap during the day, which would result in me rolling around on my bed wide awake at 3AM. I can spend the whole chapter talking about how much of a mess I was, but this isn’t a new piece of information that everyone comes to this blog for. So I’ll spare you guys from the exhausting remarks on my unstable emotional state and go straight into the juicy story. I’ll let my therapist suffer alone from listening to my past traumas.
I had mentioned this before, but I’ll repeat this again for those of you lucky souls who have zero experience with Grindr: the app is filled with freaking weirdos after midnight. One night, I logged onto the yellow app at 2AM, and I wasn’t really expecting to invite one of those horndogs to mi casa. Because sometimes, you know, I go on Grindr to do some networking (lol I can’t even say this with a straight face). That fateful night, I was bored out of my mind while trying my best to let my mind relax. So I cleverly thought it was a good idea to talk to some guys while I waited for the effect of my excessive caffeine intake to subside. In retrospect, I’m aware that this was extremely counter-productive. Blame it on the caffeine and my raging hormones!
So when I saw this attractive, blue-eyed man on the grid past midnight, it felt like discovering a shining diamond in a pile of trash. I didn’t hesitate to express my interest in getting to know him better, and surprisingly, he responded well to my thirsty 3AM messages. Did I wonder why this guy was aimlessly wandering in the online gay universe that late at night? Of course, but hey… we both had our own reasons, and I wasn’t in a place to judge him either. After exchanging some semi-indecent visuals, the blue-eyed guy and I decided that it’s within our best interests for him to come over to my place. Because what could possibly go wrong with inviting a random stranger to your apartment at 3AM, right?
We were discussing the logistics of our late night chill session, and I asked him his expected time of arrival. To my surprise, he responded with this:
“I’m going to this black guy’s place first since I already promised him I’ll come over. But I won’t be long since I don’t think I’m really into him. I’ll come to your place around 4. Does that sound good?”
He doubled down on his ridiculousness by sending me the black guy’s pictures, dick pic included. At first, my thought was, “what the fuck is wrong with this guy?” But I conducted a more thorough analysis of the attachments my blue-eyed man sent me, and let’s just say I understood where he’s coming from (no tea, no shade). In a twisted way, it made me feel slightly less insecure about being his back-up plan. I understood the competitive nature of online dating, so I couldn’t blame anyone because the early bird always gets the worm. In a plot twist that everyone sees coming, I settled for being the plan B and said yes to his proposal. Look at me, continually making noble life choices with no regard to my emotional well-being!
Fast forward to 4AM. My blue-eyed lover informed me that he just left his 3AM appointment with no action. I just finished making my room and booty look presentable, so I apprised my late-night booty call of my readiness. I also flirtatiously asked him to provide more information on his past penis-to-butt consultation. However, he said he preferred to conduct a private briefing in mi casa at the scheduled time. I thought, “I’m getting the D and some juicy gossip at the same time? Lovely!“
He notified me about his arrival at my front door. Sporting a chic hobo look, I made my way to open the door to greet my 4AM fling. And there he was, standing at my front door in a slim fit t-shirt and a pair of worn-out jeans. God damn… he looked even better from the picture with his piercing gaze and unkempt hair! It’s hard to fathom how someone could look this good at 4AM because I could easily picture him as a romantic lead in a Dua Lipa music video. This guy looked ravishing as fuck, y’all. Meanwhile, there I was… a tired-ass showgirl with my bed hair and a white oversized t-shirt. What a way to make a great first impression!
We migrated straight to our bed for our aforementioned “bedroom cardio” and gossip session. My guapo boy casually lounged in my bed, got himself in a comfortable position, and prepared himself to spill the tea. With all his clothes still intact, he told me:
“I came there and had a 15 minute conversation, and I left because I was bored as fuck”My 4AM sweetheart
This boy had balls. I had never dared to leave my temporary lovers when things got tough. When he told me he could leave someone just because he wanted to, my blue-eyed beau really intrigued me. It told me he’s able to separate lust and emotion, which was an indication that he’s not a clingy lover. And ain’t nobody got time for a clingy boyfriend! As much as I admired his audacity to abruptly leave a hookup, I was worried if he would treat me similarly. What if my performance was so subpar that he needed to escape amid intercourse?
But it was 4AM, and I didn’t invite this boy to get lost in my universe of self-questioning. We got the story time session out of the way, which meant there’s only one thing left on our agenda. I wanted to affirm that my blue-eyed lover that he made the right choice of ditching his 3AM plan for me.
I unleashed my inner lioness and immediately jumped on top of my prey, ready to devour the beauty underneath my body. We started kissing as if our lives depended on my boy’s lips meeting mine. As I was struggling to escape the charm of his lips, my hands were fighting a fierce battle of getting his damn t-shirt off of him. My 4AM playmate had got a toned body that many gays and straight women would masturbate to, but he was pretty shy about showcasing his bare physique in front of me. However, I knew my lips were only good for three things: persuasion, manipulation, and fornication. With some words of encouragement and a sprinkle of assertiveness, I managed to convince my blue-eyed fellow to remove his clothes. I took his initiative as an invitation to remove my own clothing. And in less than ten seconds, we were both dressed for an X-rated workout.
Although I became the only contestant to finish the race, the half-marathon was, overall, a success. We did two positions in total; there was no acrobatic or BDSM shenanigan happening that night. I assumed my performance was on par with his standards since he didn’t ask for my permission to leave after the eighth thrust. Of course, I felt a bit disappointed in myself when I made the heartbreaking decision to snatch the gold medal by coming first. However, I presumed he’s one of those guys who could last for a while. Bear in mind that it was almost 5AM, and the sun might make an appearance faster than his man juice. So, with a heavy heart, I chose to prioritize my happiness and my well-being because this boy needed to go to sleep. Sometimes, you can’t really please everyone.
Oh, did I mention that he expressed slight dissatisfaction with the above-average tightness of my rectal muscles?
Most tops would kill for that shit. How dare he!
He left my apartment immediately after he descended back to earth from heaven, also known in the biz as my booty. Before he exited the building, he asked for my phone number, which suggested that he wanted to make this more than a one-time thing. I ain’t a fortune teller and could not see where my relationship with my 4AM hookup enthusiast would go. However, I was intrigued by the idea, mostly because he’s pretty cute and charming. So I gave him my number and a goodbye hug before I watched that delicious booty of his walked out of my room. Feeling satisfied yet exhausted, I immediately collapsed on my bed and drifted off to sleep, entirely unaware that this was the beginning of a wild chapter in my life.
To be continued…