XI. The Guy Who Had Two Kids

“Guys my age don’t know how to touch me, don’t know how to love me good”

Hey Violet –

I’m not gonna lie; I hate growing old. I fear that I won’t be able to control my own limbs because my body will go awry. I’m scared of letting go of my youth and won’t have the chance to do the things I can do now. I am mortified by the thought of living alone in a retirement home and becoming a useless piece of meat. I think it’s part of the reason why I am an adventurous guy; I know I can’t turn back time and I don’t want to live in a world of “what-ifs”. When it comes to my appearance, I believe this is as good as it gets and it’s only gonna go downhill from here, so why shouldn’t I take full advantage of this youthful beauty when I have the chance?

There’s something very comforting about “dating” an older guy. Most of the times, they know what they are doing in bed and they are very patient with inexperienced guys. I guess I found matureness to be a very attractive trait in someone regardless of their age because, at the end of the day, age is just a number. Sure, you get more time to mature as you grow older, but I’ve seen someone old enough to be a grandparent who acts more foolish than kids in Toddlers and Tiara. 

When this 46 years old guy messaged me on Grindr, I was hesitant to respond because there’s a massive age gap between us. (Cue Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”… *At first I was afraid, I was petrified*). I mean, he’s very attractive for men around his age (no shade for older guys) and he’s got a more toned version of a dad-bod. And there’s something about his vibe that I sensed from our conversation that I was really digging; he’s funny, smart, and most importantly, was into things that came out of my brain and not just my penis. So, I entertained the idea of possibly having a sexy time with him.

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Do you have some candles?“, he asked.

Like, birthday candles? I have a couple of them“, I jokingly replied.

Haha no, you silly head. I’ll bring mine“, he insisted.

I thought, candlelit sex? Very romantic, right? Is he trying to date me?

Next thing I knew, he’s already in my apartment lobby wearing a black t-shirt with a pair of joggers. He must have told the person he was cheating on (or the people whom he didn’t want to know about this “affair”) that he’s going for an evening run. Classic adultery excuse. We got into my room after carefully sneaking him in because let’s be honest, it was awkward AF to meet a much older guy in a college-owned apartment and he clearly did not look like my dad. We didn’t even look like we shared a single strain of DNA.

Although the apartment that I lived in was pretty spacious (and was clearly designed for only one person to live in), for some reasons, they only gave me a twin-sized mattress. It was actually quite impressive how we could fit two grown ass men on there performing any sexual stunt. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t do anything super crazy, but he’s a pretty big man, standing over 6 feet tall. But we managed to cuddle for over an hour on that fucking small ass mattress, holding onto each other for dear life so no one will break any bones by falling off a twin-sized bed. It’s not a cute look.

The sex was great. Like I said, older men tend to know what they’re doing in bed. I felt like a brand new toy given to a well-behaved five years old boy; he took gentle care of every inch of my body. And I won’t forget how he tossed my salad. He ate my peach like his life depended on it.

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But what made the nights with him especially enjoyable was our conversations. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company (or at least I think he did) and we spent more time cuddling in bed staring at the flickering candle versus jamming his cock inside of my back door. I believe we spent three nights together laying in bed naked while telling each other stories about ourselves. Out of nowhere, one night he said, “I wish you could come to my house, my kids would love you. They’ll be slightly confused about why you are there but you’ll get along well with my boys“. That’s when I started freaking out. I had so many questions in my mind at the moment, which include:

  • Holy shit, is he gonna propose to me?
  • His boys are probably around the same age as me. Idk, maybe they’re hot and I can get with (at least) one of them. If their dad is relatively attractive at the age of 46, I’m sure the boys are gonna be hot AF. Or maybe have an orgy with the dad AND the boys? God, I’m such a slut, why the fuck am I thinking about this anyway?
  • Does he have a wife? Or a husband? I don’t wanna sound intrusive by asking him personal questions but hey, I also don’t want to be a home-wrecker.
  • And what the fuck am I gonna say to his friends when I meet them? Hi! Yes, you’re right, I’m only 18 years old and he is my sugar daddy, and these are my boys that I also occasionally have sex with. Now, can you pass me the caviar, please? The champagne is lovely!

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Ok, I had to admit I was probably getting too far ahead of myself, but that’s the vibe I was getting. Being raised as a polite Indonesian, I just awkwardly laughed at the idea and went along with it. He probably realized that I was freaking out, and then he said, “but I think you should date guys around your age, I’m sure there will be many cute guys in your campus who wanna be with you“.

That’s probably one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. To let go of someone that you have a chance with knowing that they deserve to be with someone who fits them better is really hard. He’s such a sweet guy, but I know I want to date someone who I can explore life with together, discovering and learning new things together. I am not saying that you can’t do that once you have reached a certain age, but it doesn’t put us on an equal starting point, and he would end up giving me more things than what I can give back to him.

I have never heard from him ever since and I still don’t know anything about his dating life. I hope he’s happy with his life, whether he’s going through it as a single dad or a sugar daddy with five different twinkish bottoms. He really does deserve it.

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