“Bet you rue the day you kissed the writer in the dark”
– Lorde –
Again, I know I said I was gonna write my stories in chronological order, but this happened to me recently and I feel the need to talk about it because I hope this story can spark an interesting dialogue. I have been trying my best to keep my blog as lighthearted and entertaining as I can because well, most of the guys I had featured in this blog didn’t really cross me. For most of them, I genuinely wish they are happy with their lives because they shared some intimate moments with me when I was fragile, trying to figure out who I am. In other words, these guys thought me something in life and temporarily filled the void in me (pun intended). However, this next guy is a definite exception to my warm wishes. And I know he read (or still does) my blog, so congratulations bitch, you made it. Welcome to your chapter and buckle up, because ready or not, you’re in for a ride on this petty rant train.
I tell people on Grindr about my blog because I think their user demographic is my blog’s main audience. I don’t know where I’m going with this blog yet, but I somehow love sharing my sexperiences and reading your feedbacks, which have been mostly positive and I can’t thank you enough for your support. But yes, I am aware of the risk of exposing myself and losing some potential dick appointments because of the risqué nature of my stories. However, I do feel that it’s important to share not only my stories, but also the stories of other members of the LGBTQ+ community to make our community and, more importantly, our struggles more visible to the broader audience.
I’m not gonna lie, I messaged this German guy on Grindr because I thought he’s cute. He’s got a toned body paired with a face that could easily land him a job at Abercrombie & Fitch. Not as a model, but as a retail sales associate (#shade). And yes, I have to admit that his pictures are aesthetically pleasing in an artsy way. But most importantly, he wrote on his Grindr profile that he’s “looking for someone to go to Instagram worthy places together”. He even told me he had an Instagram to-do list. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna be a hypocrite here because I also love taking artistic pictures on Instagram, but I’m not gonna travel to a place solely for the sake of my Instagram feed. I am a petty bitch but I ain’t that vain.
We began chatting for quite some time and he agreed to meet me for dinner/drinks. I noticed that he purposefully avoided talking about the logistics of our meeting, and although I was slightly annoyed, I understood that when he’s the new fish in the sea of attractive guys desperate for his attention, he wanted to test the water before settling for someone. When I asked him what he’s looking for on Grindr (contrary to popular belief, not everyone on Grindr is a horndog who constantly looks for meaningless sex), he replied:
“I’m looking to meet new people and make new friends, and fun if it fits”.
This might come as a shocker for you, but I’m not always looking for a hook up on Grindr. I have met a few people on these dating apps that I haven’t slept with and we still remain good friends. So I thought, “hey, in the worst case scenario, I could learn some photography stuff from him”.
So right before we were supposed to meet, he texted me:
“Sorry for the late reply, I was just reading your blog. It’s entertaining and it made me smile”
You might think this is a good sign that the “date” was going to go well, right? WRONG! He immediately followed that message up with this (below is the screenshot of the actual conversation. And yes, I keep receipts):
This is just so wrong on so many levels. Here, let me break it down for you:
- Really, bitch?! So you just decided to read my blog about an hour before we were supposed to meet when I knew you spent the entire day being on Grindr? Like, you couldn’t spend more time to do your research on me before you agreed to meet me?
- Really, bitch?!? You said you got the drag queen references, but you immediately followed it up by saying that you’re “straight acting”? That’s like how straight guys make out with other dudes and immediately say “no homo”.
- And really, bitch?!?! What’s the correlation between Drag Race and masculinity anyway? That’s like me saying to you “I don’t think we’re a match, I’m not a Nazi” just because you’re from Germany. It made no fucking sense.
I have come a long way to be at peace with my feminine side, so when he tried to put himself above me solely because of my drag queen references, it triggered all the feelings of being ashamed of my own personality and self-hatred that I had put on myself for the longest time. You might think I was overreacting, but people need to learn more about the power of words that come out of their mouth. I had been called many derogatory names when I was younger and it still affects my confidence when I am around guys (straight guys in particular) until now. Moreover, it especially infuriates me when us gay guys, a minority group who has been shunned for decades by our straight counterparts, try to discriminate our own kind using the exact same words used against us. So you know what, fuck you. While you’re busy “acting straight” while attempting to climb the social ladder on Instagram, the feminine gays and drag queens are fighting relentlessly for our rights in modern society. It’s like how girls call each other sluts; it only helps to perpetuate the idea that it’s acceptable not only for women to disrespect each other but also for men to disrespect women.
Seriously though, toxic masculinity is such a problem in the gay community and it needs to stop. Masculinity and femininity are essentially outdated social constructs that should not have a place in today’s modern society. For God’s sake, it’s 2018 and it’s time for men to be more emotive and vulnerable! I understand that you might have a preference, but come on… it’s insane if you don’t want to meet and befriend someone solely because of their “larger than life” personality. Plus, you can’t simultaneously say you’re straight-acting AND have a dick in your mouth. It doesn’t work that way, sweetie.
To quote Mama Ru, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna be able to love someone else?” Although it annoys the shit out of me, I can understand where he is coming from. We live in a world that mostly embraces patriarchy and hypermasculinity. Consequently, men sometimes can’t help to feel pressured into having a certain mindset, which unfortunately may include self-loathing and irrational phobia of feminine behavior. And to those of you who still experience these prejudices, I hope you can hold your head up high and confront those negative words with class (and maybe add a little bit of sass). Don’t ever let labels dim your shine.
P.S. Dear German boy,
Those pictures you sent me are hella gay, dude. Plus, hunting for Instaworthy spots is probably one of the “gayest” things a guy could do (other than taking a dick up your ass, of course). So much for straight-acting.
I hope you enjoy your Drag-Race-references-charged chapter since you love them so much. Good luck “acting” straight!