“May the odds be ever in your favor”
– Suzanne Collins –
Leave it to the gays to turn anything innocent into something sexual. A secluded area in a family-friendly neighborhood park? Turn it into a spot for midnight cruising! A dark alley behind a small pizza parlor? Turn it into a spot to spitroast the overly drunk power bottom from the gay bar next door! For some reasons, our brains work in a really fucked up way as some people found the possibility of getting caught doing it in public made their adrenaline going like crazy. And now we’re talking about a steamy place with zero visibility where the gays get to walk around in a tiny towel? I mean… what do you think is gonna happen in there? Seriously, if you are running a service company and you want to cater to the gays, you best believe you’re gonna spend an extra fortune on cleaning services.
What’s a Korean spa, you might ask? It’s basically a facility where you can pay a daily fee to relax and enjoy all the amenities the spa offers, which typically include a locker room, showers, steam rooms (some spas have multiple steam rooms with a variety of herbal-infused steam), cold plunge pool, and jacuzzis. One of the spas I had visited even had a Eucalyptus-infused steam room and it was a heavenly experience. It’s actually pretty common in Korea or Japan for families to go together to these establishments to get rejuvenated and have a relaxing time. Sounds like an innocently refreshing time, right? It’s definitely NOT the case when you spot a Korean spa in the middle of a gay-centric neighborhood. You don’t believe me? Just google these places in Los Angeles, read the reviews of these places, and leave the link to my blog on the comment sections. #shamelessplug
On one fine night when Grindr just didn’t cut it anymore, I decided to try out one of the Korean spas of curiosity and desperation. How can you know what you like if you haven’t tried everything, right? I thought, “on worst case scenario, I could just have a relaxing time and make my skin looks more radiant”. I mean, have you seen how most Koreans have flawless skin? Korean spa is the shit. So after doing some quick researches on Google, I parted ways with my friends after dinner and dashed to my desired Korean spa in a quest to explore the world of borderline voyeuristic LA gays.
Once I got to the reception area, I was largely skeptical about the legitimacy of the Google reviews of this Korean spa. This place looked nothing like a spot to commit adultery as I saw two children and their mother about to exit the building. Alas, I wasn’t gonna let my doubt overcame my determination to dismantle the mystery behind the testosterone-charged 4.6 stars Google rating. Looking like a lost child in a grocery store, I shyly walked to greet the staff and inquired about the amenities the spa offered. I received a locker key and two small towels in exchange for the $20 USD entrance fee. At that moment, I was convinced that the staff was silently judging me and thinking to himself, “this little nasty hoe… I hope he’ll have fun though”.
The spa was divided into two identical sections, one for women and one for
gay men. When I entered the men section, I was shitlessly intimidated. Plenty of men in all colors and sizes who were walking around in a mini towel to cover their private area and their barely existent self-worth were giving me these looks that can be best described as the kind of look that a group of cheetahs gives when they are observing their prey and figuring out the most efficient strategy to launch their attacks. Once I stripped down all my clothes and my remaining dignity, I entered the “battlefield” with zero strategies on how to do a thorough inspection of this Korean spa. It felt like the Hunger Games in there; everyone was out for themselves and they were doing everything they could to ambush you at any given moment. However, unlike Katniss Everdeen, I was an amateur with no battle prowess trying my best to make it out alive.
It soon became very clear that most of the men’s intention in this spa was not there to relax their muscles. They. Were. Starving. For. Some. Man-meats. Whenever I entered a room, whether it’s the jacuzzi or the balcony, I always received a full-body scan like I was a suspect in a murder scene. Often times, I noticed some of the guys quickly attempted to cover their raging hard boner whenever another guy entered the room. Even worse, I caught some guys who were unsuccessfully trying to brush another guy’s hand off their willies as my clueless face was just trying to check out the “scenery”.
As I was observing the debauchery happening right in front of my eyes, I noticed this mature-looking gentleman was giving me a smile that could be interpreted in the gay world as “I wanna bang you!” At that point, I wasn’t even sure if I was his first choice. Hell, I don’t think I was even his fifth choice. But then again, most guys there probably had an identical power ranking of who they want to bang. So yeah, everyone was fighting for the coveted prize (the blond twunk laughing awkwardly in the steam room) while I had to settle as a lovely fifth alternate. Seriously though, why do hot guys go there anyway? Are they not satisfied with the amount of “offers” they receive on Grindr? Leave the sex clubs and Korean spas to awkward guys with low self-esteem like me.
Anyway, I noticed that he had mostly been following me around as I was trying to check out other amenities in the spa. He finally cornered me in a secluded area next to the stairs and approached me. I wasn’t sure whether I was unintentionally giving him a sign to prey upon me and I felt like my body was moving on autopilot. There’s literally no time for me to think or respond to his advances as he swiftly dropped my towel and started going up and down my “disco stick”. I could definitely tell that this guy worked out; he’s got a muscular dad-bod that many would suspect as a steroid-enhanced body.
To be honest, I didn’t know what I was thinking; at that moment, it felt like an out-of-body experience. Don’t get me wrong, the blowjob wasn’t bad at all. It’s just… the whole experience was so bizarre that I couldn’t even concentrate on indulging in the pleasure given by his tongue. There were guys casually walking around us that we had to take a few breaks in between our session. I mean, who were we trying to fool here? What else would a guy on his knees and a guy in a skimpy towel be doing at the corner of a secluded area? To my surprise, there hadn’t been any complaints about the indecent behaviors I had witnessed in the spa all night, which can only mean one thing: the men there know exactly what’s going on and they were all in it together.
As much as I wanted to project my inner voyeuristic behavior, I just could not perform well under the intense scrutiny of other guys walking around. So I called it off and told my service provider that I was heading home. To my surprise, he actually offered to wine and dine me with the hope of continuing our session at his house in the Bel Air area. But I just could not do it and I didn’t know why. So I gave him an awkward smile, nervously walked to the locker room and started getting dressed.
With that being said, I strongly encourage you to take this chapter with a grain of salt as I’m sure most Korean spas would not have a public display of indecent behaviors. I would say that overall, the spa was most likely built with good intentions in mind, but it’s a bit unfortunate the gays somehow managed to turn it into a cruising area. Would I go back to another Korean spa, you might ask? Absolutely! But there’s something about having to openly compete for a guy’s attention that is just not for me, whereas places like this Korean spa was made for guys with a fierce mentality and zero self-respect. I was the Peeta Melark of the Korean spa; I was silently blending in with the surroundings while trying to survive and hoping for someone to notice me.