“Too much joy, I swear, is lost in our desperation to keep it.”

– Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous –

One of my biggest turn-offs is a horrible texter. If I write you an eloquent narrative on how I want you to finger my hole and your response is only “lol,” it’s over between us. According to Buzzfeed, my love language is words of affirmation. And, for once, I can’t agree more with Buzzfeed. This might come as a surprise, but I am a firm believer in the power of words. And before you say anything, I know that my word repertoire is limited to annoying phrases like “bitchhh” and “yasss queen!” But I find guys with an extensive vocabulary to be impossibly sexy. Like… if you can find a way to write a lengthy essay about your mundane breakfast, I will get an instant boner. To me, guys who have a way with their words are incredibly hot.

Unfortunately, it’s not a skill many guys have, and I blame toxic masculinity for that lack of literacy.

Continue reading ➞ LXV. The Guy With The Barong Tattoo

“Sometimes you just jump and hope it’s not a cliff”

– Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue –

With enough luck, the universe might introduce you to a man with a beauty that surpasses age and time. He pleasantly surprises you as your conversations flow naturally, as if you have known this person forever. Your first date with him surpasses all of your expectations. He takes excellent care of people he cares about and turns heads around with his beautiful smile. He often catches you staring into his piercing blue eyes as you’re wondering how lucky you are to call a compassionate and intelligent man like him yours. The evening ends with cinematic kisses and passionate lovemaking. With your naked bodies entangled on a luxuriously cozy bed, you began wondering about the life the two of you could have shared. You would have grown old together in a quaint old cottage in the countryside of Spain, sitting on the balcony laughing about the countless wild nights you’ve shared. It’s a love story many people dream of having, a beautiful romance that will be told for generations to come.

Unfortunately, this chapter is NOT going to be one of those love stories.

Continue reading ➞ LXIV. The Guy Who Came Too Early (First Gay Crush Series: Part III)

After moving back home to Indonesia and living here for a while now, I have experienced the ups and, mostly, downs of being an avid Grindr user. Before I continue, let me preface this by saying that people can use the social networking app however they want to. And on a few tremendously rare occasions, I had actually built genuine connections with kind and intellectually-stimulating men I met on this app. 

But oftentimes, shit goes bonkers on Grindr.

Some of the things I write below might apply universally to all dating apps worldwide, especially to those unfortunate souls out there who have to deal with men. The following piece is merely a collection of observations on the questionable behavior of Indonesian gays on Grindr. And if you’re offended by what I have to say, well… #SorryNotSorry.

Continue reading ➞ Grindr in Indonesia

“‘Cause you and I, we’re cool for the summer”

– Demi Lovato –

It’s jarring how female pop stars are often aggrandized for writing songs about sexual experimentation. You have Katy with her “I Kissed a Girl,” Demi with her “Cool for the Summer,” and Halsey with, well… pretty much all of her songs. However, there isn’t one song about sexual curiosity sung by their straight male counterparts. I mean… there’s no way in hell Shawn Mendes will write a song about touching another man’s penis. Generally speaking, sexual experiments between two men are more frowned upon. For straight men, the slightest form of attraction towards another man is viewed as a detriment to their masculinity, which, apparently, can do tremendous damage to their sex appeal.

And to that, I say – Shit needs to change. Let’s have Nick Jonas and The Chainsmokers write a song about shaving each other’s butthole!

Continue reading ➞ LIII. The Guy Whom I Blew After Basketball Practice